My zero point ninth love

Dear blog,

It's 3am and I just came back from a midnight run. Got to lose those fats yknow?

The plan was to run 10km but I stopped a little after 8. The remaining distance was covered by tracing his footsteps. Or rather ours.

I was gonna take the lift up. But I saw the bench that you once sat on when you came to meet me for supper. Which is also the very same bench the foolish you sat overnight to help me with my birthday tassels. You really did all you could to make me happy.

I started walking further and droplets of tears grew bigger as I covered more places. Not sure because I miss you or regret not taking you seriously when it was our time. A sense of lost knowing that you won't appear at my void deck anymore.

The pebbled path where I jumped onto your back and made you walked a whole round.

The hidden bench where we sat for hours talking about our "relationship" while the mosquitos feed on me; where you demanded that we'd take and send a photo to my bestfriend. I did; without knowing why.

Bench #2 was a result of you asking an unfamiliar-with-neighbourhood me to find a place so we could sit down. And yes we did sit down but every 5 minutes we would share an awkward moment with joggers who ran by. My bad. In the end, you gave me a facial sunblock. I was confused by your act of love.

And the fitness corner which I believe was the place that you waited 3 hours for me, or rather for my mother to sleep so I could sneak out to meet you. You lied that you wanted to have supper. I should've guessed that. Who the heck waits for 3 hours to go for supper. You just wanted to pass me cny cookies.

Lastly it was a random bar at the carpark. I don't remember what happened but we were arguing. I refused to face you and so you kept making me turn. But I wouldn't because I knew you were gonna steal a kiss.

And I'm back at my void deck.

You are a good guy. But it was my first time romancing and I had unrealistic expectations. And also no tolerance for any flaws. It doesn't work this way. Now I know.

You are one who falls in love. I am one who loves but do not fall. Girl does not believe that stranger boy would be serious about her after their first meeting. Maybe we would be something more if I was a little more unsuspecting?

After all I thought I could forget. I was right for the first 6 months, which was a really busy time for me. But I am wrong now. Because of the very fact that I am here typing this entry.

There are too many things I cannot forget. Perhaps it's easier for you but not me because they were things I've yet experienced then. I underestimated the significance of firsts.

It sucks when I think of you doing the same familiar things, with another girl. But I am in no position at all. I was the one who wanted to end everything.

I want to forget so I wouldn't be affected when I think of us. But I don't want to forget what we've shared. It's difficult.

But thank you my zero point ninth love, we were something but not quite an item. Just .1 away from being my first love; the only thing I got to keep is our short 80 days together. 

How wrong was I? I was in love with you.